Life on an Intensivist

Advertisements

Story of psychiatrist and proctologist

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist. They put up a sign reading: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.”

The town council was livid and insisted they change it. So, the docs changed it to read: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. “Catatonics and High Colonics” – No go.

Next, they tried “Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives” – thumbs down again. 

Then came “Minds and Behinds” – still no good.

Another attempt resulted in “Lost Souls and Butt Holes” – unacceptable again!

So they tried “Analysis and Anal Cysts” – not a chance. “Nuts and Butts” – no way.

“Freaks and Cheeks” – still no good. “Loons and Moons” – forget it.

Almost at their wit’s end, the docs finally came up with: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones – Specializing in Odds and Ends.”

Everyone loved it.😓

A-V block made easy with husband-wife joke

Never seen anyone explain AV blocks in such an easy way! 
*p wave = wife*

*qrs = husband*

*pacer = counseling*
*normal sinus rhythm:*

the wife (p wave) waits at home for the husband (qrs). 

the husband (qrs) come homes on time every night.
*1st degree AV block:*

the wife (p wave) is waiting at home. the husband (qrs) comes home late every night, but he always comes home and its at the same time every night.
*2nd degree block type I (Weinkebach):*

the wife (p wave) is waiting at home. the husband (qrs) come home later and later every night until one night he doesn’t come at all. 

note: husband (qrs) must come home at least 2 nights in a row to see this pattern.
*2nd degree AV block type II*

the wife (p wave) is waiting at home. sometimes the husband (qrs) comes home, sometimes he doesn’t. when he does come home, its always at the same time.

note: this is usually more serious than type I (Weinkebach) and will sometimes require counseling (pacing).
*3rd degree AV block:*

wife (p wave) is no longer waiting at home. she and her husband (qrs) are now both on separate schedules and have no relationship and they are no longer talking. each spouse has a regular, individual schedule. 

*note:*this frequently requires counseling in the form of a temporary or permanent pacer.

Medical humour

Medical Humour:-

1. An orthopaedic surgeon giving evidence told the court he was the best surgeon in the world, The judge objected to such arrogance
The orthopaedic surgeon pointed out he was under oath and had to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
2.Why do anaesthetists take an instant dislike to orthopaedic surgeons?
Because it saves time
3.How some Surgeons exaggerate their operative experience:
One case = “I have vast experience”, two cases = “I have done case after case”, three cases = “I have an extensive personal series”
4.Why does Pathology have such a low suicide rate?
It’s hard to jump out of a basement window.

5.What do you call a walking, talking neurosurgical patient?
Pre-op.
6.Why do oncologists do CPR?
To circulate the chemo!
7.An oncologist dug up a coffin to give one last round of chemo. There was no body inside, instead he just found a note from the nephrologist: Gone to dialysis.
8.What’s the difference between a neurotic, a psychotic, and a psychiatrist?
A neurotic builds castles in the sky. A psychotic lives in castles in the sky. And a psychiatrist collects rent on castles in the sky.
9.How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb must want to change…
10.What’s the difference between a neurologist and a rheumatologist?
A neurologist diagnoses diseases you can’t treat, and a rheumatologist treats diseases you can’t diagnose.
11.Anaesthetic post crash call ABC: A-Arrive B-Blame C-Criticise
12. Extended form
Anaesthetic post crash call ABC: 

A-Arrive

 B-Blame 

C-Criticise

D-Depart

E- Espresso