1. An orthopaedic surgeon giving evidence told the court he was the best surgeon in the world, The judge objected to such arrogance
The orthopaedic surgeon pointed out he was under oath and had to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
2.Why do anaesthetists take an instant dislike to orthopaedic surgeons?
Because it saves time
3.How some Surgeons exaggerate their operative experience:
One case = “I have vast experience”, two cases = “I have done case after case”, three cases = “I have an extensive personal series”
4.Why does Pathology have such a low suicide rate?
It’s hard to jump out of a basement window.
5.What do you call a walking, talking neurosurgical patient?
6.Why do oncologists do CPR?
To circulate the chemo!
7.An oncologist dug up a coffin to give one last round of chemo. There was no body inside, instead he just found a note from the nephrologist: Gone to dialysis.
8.What’s the difference between a neurotic, a psychotic, and a psychiatrist?
A neurotic builds castles in the sky. A psychotic lives in castles in the sky. And a psychiatrist collects rent on castles in the sky.
9.How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb must want to change…
10.What’s the difference between a neurologist and a rheumatologist?
A neurologist diagnoses diseases you can’t treat, and a rheumatologist treats diseases you can’t diagnose.
11.Anaesthetic post crash call ABC: A-Arrive B-Blame C-Criticise
12. Extended form
Anaesthetic post crash call ABC: