Tag Archives: doctor

Doctor diaries

Hilarious and sometimes embarrassing moments in a doctor’s practice. Hope you will love them as I enjoyed reading! 
1. A man comes into the ER and yells. . ……

‘My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab.’

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress

and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly I noticed that there

were several cabs – – – and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr Mark MacDonald,

San Francisco
2.

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and

slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.

‘Big breaths,’. .

I instructed. ‘Yes, they used to be,’. . . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,

Seattle , WA
3.

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that

her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that

he had died of a ‘massive internal fart.’
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4.

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ‘How

long have you been bedridden?’

After a look of complete confusion she answered . . . ‘

Why, not for about

twenty years – when my husband was

alive.

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-

Corvallis , OR  
 
5.

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of

tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered….. It was quickly

determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was

scheduled for immediate surgery… When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read .’ Keep off the grass.’
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said ‘Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.’
Submitted by RN JAMESON
AND

FINALLY!! ! .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . THE FUNNIEST?
Baby’s First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud.

I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
‘Breast-fed,’ she replied…
‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a

very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed,

the doctor said, ‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’
‘I know,’ she said, ‘I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.’ πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

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MYTHS AND FACTS OF MEDICAL PRACTICE

”MYTHS AND FACTS OF MEDICAL PRACTICE”
*1. MYTH – MEDICAL PROFESSION IS A NOBLE PROFESSION*..

    FACT- EVERY PROFESSION, WHETHER OF A TEACHER, SOLDIER, TAILOR OR SHOPKEEPER, IS NOBLE, IF DONE WITH SINCERITY AND INTEGRITY. 
*A CARELESS DOCTOR CAN KILL ONE**, A CARELESS  DRIVER CAN KILL DOZENS, A CARELESS ENGINEER CAN KILL HUNDREDS..
*2. MYTH – AS IT IS A SERVICE TO HUMANITY, DOCTORS SHOULD NOT RUN AFTER MONEY*.

    FACT – MONEY IS AN IMPORTANT MEASURE OF SUCCESS. RUNNING AFTER IT IS NOT GOOD FOR ANYBODY, BUT EARNING MORE MONEY BY DOING MORE WORK IS NOT A MORAL CRIME.

AND ALL WHO ADVISING DOCTORS, THEMSELVES RUNNING AFTER MONEY, AREN’T THEY?
*3. MYTH – DOCTORS MUST BE HUNDRED PERCENT HONEST.*

    FACT-  DOCTORS DO NOT COME FROM MARS OR VENUS. IF SUPREME COURT JUDGES OR ARMY GENERALS CAN BE CORRUPT, SO CAN A FEW DOCTORS. AS A CLASS, THEY ARE STILL BETTER THAN POLITICIANS, BUREAUCRATS, LAWYERS, POLICE OR PSU ENGINEERS.
*4. MYTH – MOST OF THE TIME, DOCTORS DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE DISEASE AND WRITE UNNECESSARY AND COSTLY DRUGS AND ADVISE TESTS AND TREAT ON A TRIAL BASIS.*

     FACT- DOCTOR PATIENT RELATIONSHIP IS BASED ON TRUST, IF YOU DO NOT TRUST YOUR DOCTOR, GO TO ANOTHER ONE. MEDICAL SCIENCE IS A LIFE LONG LEARNING PROCESS, AND ALL TREATMENT, TO SOME EXTENT IS BASED ON TRIAL AND ERROR. THE SAME MEDICINE, WHICH WORKS FOR ONE PATIENT MAY NOT WORK ON ANOTHER. 

SECOND, THE RESPONSIBILITY OF PROVIDING QUALITY DRUGS AT AFFORDABLE PRICES LIES NOT WITH THE DOCTOR, BUT WITH THE STATE AUTHORITIES, JUST LIKE PROVIDING FOR BETTER ROADS, UNADULTERATED QUALITY FOOD AND DAIRY PRODUCTS, UNINTERRUPTED POWER AND WATER SUPPLY ETC AND ETC. LIKE CLOTHS, CARS AND MOBILE PHONES, COSTLY DRUGS ARE GENERALLY BETTER THAN CHEAP ONES. HOWEVER, IF THE GOVERNMENT MAKES IT MANDATORY TO WRITE GENERICS, IT SHOULD ENSURE QUALITY AND THE CONSEQUENCE OF POOR/NON  EFFICACY SHOULD NOT BE BLAMED ON DOCTORS.

THIRD, TESTS ARE DONE FOR PATIENT’S OWN SAFETY. JUST LIKE WEARING A HELMET OR SEAT BELT, INVESTIGATIONS INCREASE THE SAFETY. MOST OF THE DOCTORS IN INDIA ARE TRAINED TO WORK ON CLINICAL HUNCH AND COMMON SENSE AND NOT RELY TOO MUCH ON TESTS, AND ADVISE MUCH LESS TESTS THAN WHAT IS ACTUALLY WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OR DONE IN THE DEVELOPED WORLD.
*5. MYTH – TREATMENT COSTS ARE INCREASING IRRATIONALLY*.

     FACT-  COMPARED TO WESTERN WORLD, TREATMENT COSTS IN INDIA ARE STILL VERY LOW, AND MANY FOREIGNERS ARE COMING HERE FOR THIS REASON. AND IT WOULD BE WORTHWHILE TO THINK ABOUT ANY OTHER SERVICE OR PRODUCT WITH AS RAPID ADVANCEMENT IN TECHNOLOGY AND EQUIPMENT AS MEDICAL SCIENCE, WHOSE COST IS NOT INCREASING
*6. MYTH – DOCTORS ARE NEXT TO GOD*..

    FACT – DOCTORS ARE AS HUMAN AS CAN BE. THEY ALSO GET TIRED, FALL SICK, HAVE FAMILY COMMITMENTS, GET UPSET AND STRESSED SOMETIMES AND CAN SUFFER FROM ALL THE FRAILTIES OF A HUMAN BEING. IF ANYONE WANTED TO BE TREATED BY GOD THEN THEY CAN VISIT THE TEMPLE..