Somewhere in the USA… incident in ED
NO harrowing case last night, but I did get cussed out and called a racist for telling a patient and her mom that she doesn’t need a white blood cell transfusion.
Mom: Her blood count is low? Does she need a transfusion?
Me: No ma’am. Her red blood cells are normal. She has a very low white blood cell count. We don’t transfuse white blood cells…
Mom: That just sounds racist to me! Why can’t y’all tranfuse her some white blood cells? It’s 2018, man!
Me: Ma’am, there’s no such thing…
It all went down hill and to crap from there. They demanded another doctor and threatened to report me to the state boards for discrimination.
-brown doctor with white apron and black stethoscope.
*Roentgen’s law:* The length of a radiologist’s report is inversely proportional to the certainty of his diagnosis.
*Machiavelli’s law:* A patient /relative who say in his first visit that he has full faith in you has already consulted at least three other doctors for his problem.
*Cochrane’s Aphorism:* Before ordering a test decide what you will do if it is
If both answers are the same don’t do the test.
*Indoor anachronism:* – Patients who need to be admitted the most always refuse to get admitted. Those who can be sent home want to stay on.
*Saddam’s law in Medicine* – The arrogance of a patient’s relative is inversely proportional to his ability and wilingness to pay hospital bill.
*Murphy’s Law*: If any thing can go wrong it will.
*Gattuso’s extension of Murphy’s Law:* Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t get worse.
*Placebo’s rules:* Placebos work only if they are expensive.
Placebo’s sometimes work better than real drugs.
A sympathetic physician is often the best placebo.