White blood cell transfusion

Somewhere in the USA… incident in ED

NO harrowing case last night, but I did get cussed out and called a racist for telling a patient and her mom that she doesn’t need a white blood cell transfusion.

Mom: Her blood count is low? Does she need a transfusion?

Me: No ma’am. Her red blood cells are normal. She has a very low white blood cell count. We don’t transfuse white blood cells…

Mom: That just sounds racist to me! Why can’t y’all tranfuse her some white blood cells? It’s 2018, man!

Me: Ma’am, there’s no such thing…

It all went down hill and to crap from there. They demanded another doctor and threatened to report me to the state boards for discrimination.

-brown doctor with white apron and black stethoscope.

Certain medical laws

*Roentgen’s law:* The length of a radiologist’s report is inversely proportional to the certainty of his diagnosis.

*Machiavelli’s law:* A patient /relative who say in his first visit that he has full faith in you has already consulted at least three other doctors for his problem.

*Cochrane’s Aphorism:* Before ordering a test decide what you will do if it is
a) Positive
or
b) Negative.
If both answers are the same don’t do the test.

*Indoor anachronism:* – Patients who need to be admitted the most always refuse to get admitted. Those who can be sent home want to stay on.

*Saddam’s law in Medicine* – The arrogance of a patient’s relative is inversely proportional to his ability and wilingness to pay hospital bill.

*Murphy’s Law*: If any thing can go wrong it will.

*Gattuso’s extension of Murphy’s Law:* Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t get worse.

*Placebo’s rules:* Placebos work only if they are expensive.
Placebo’s sometimes work better than real drugs.
A sympathetic physician is often the best placebo.